23/3/25
We were really focused on starting early. The alarm sounded at 5:50am and we promptly woke up. It was easy to remove ourselves from the hard beds and the little cubicle we’d been sleeping in. We didn’t even brush our teeth. A short sharp coffee and a bit of frantic packing then we hit the road.
Initially we had trouble accessing the road from the hostel. After the tinniest stint the wrong way on the highway, (no one bats an eye.) We were on route 3092. A long straight road that led towards Samut Sakhon. We had good views of what could only be described as industrial wasteland. Mostly dominated by salt production. There also seemed to be a large area of wetland. It wasn’t clear if it was man made, but we were in flatlands. The benefit of course being there was zero elevation.
We’d settled on using a route provided by Mapy. There were no good routes into Bangkok. We’d left ourselves slightly too far to travel for a scenic route. We just crossed our fingers that the journey wouldn’t be too difficult. Initially, the road was wide and well surfaced. Easy going and we were flying. Soon enough it narrowed, mostly at the cost of the shoulder. It wasn’t too busy but the concrete surface was covered with a bumpy patchwork of tarmac. We almost skipped some roadside stalls but thought better of it and picked up some snacks.
The Sun had turned from its glorious morning orange to a blander yellow. Yet it was only 7:20am. We turned off onto some friendly back roads. Past experience had taught us to be wary of Mapy. A nice looking temple appeared before us. A perfect opportunity to stop. We hastily ate our coconut pancakes and deep fried dough balls. Soon we were climbing. Not hills but steep concrete bridges. Then we had to hike up a rickety wooden one. We thought Mapy had already let us down. But a moped crossed just before us.
We were rolling down pleasant back roads. Well apart from the fish farms and hundreds of dogs chasing us. After a few kilometres we suddenly reached a crossroads. Our minor road flung us into the busiest market we’d ever seen. It was immediately manic. The road out was slow at first. As the traffic thinned we started gathering speed down the other side of a bridge. The black Surly thought this an ideal place for the chain to jump off. The we hit what may be our first three numbered road. The 355.
The 355 was a taste of absolute carnage. It was Sunday. An unofficial day of rest. This highway certainly wasn’t resting. We rode three crazy kilometres down the hard shoulder before we turned right onto the 3011. A minor road but still busy. The driver of a pickup truck slowed down while passing to give us an encouraging thumbs up. A really inopportune moment, on a curve where the surface was bad, but we received the boost gratefully.
It was beginning to feel like the proximity to Bangkok was imbuing drivers with impatience. We could feel the likelihood of death increasing by the second. A guy even went past on a scooter while holding a harpoon/crossbow. Hopefully for fishing.
The road wound through palms, fishing lakes and every other kind of agriculture you could imagine. We crossed the river that divided Samut Sokhran, Tha Chin. Traffic was getting heavier and we felt there were a lot more incapable drivers.
We stopped at a 7-eleven just after 9am when we were about halfway. Just over 40km to go. Jonathan had a coffee. Frankie had a chocolate soya milk. We found a toilet that cost a flexible 3 to 5baht to get through the turnstile. Back on the road we were just getting hotter.
Randomly a scooter appeared and waved us down. Our guardian angel had barely any teeth and a young man riding pillion. He’d stopped to gift us two small glass bottles. Some kind of off brand, flat red bull. We’d often seen people drinking it here. Gladly, we took it, and shared a bottle. It had B12 in it too. Ideal.
The next stage was an anticipated manoeuvre from hell. We joined a mega busy highway, the 3091. Three or four lanes wide. There were dozens of trucks and we got cut up a few times. We had to join and then cross an even bigger road, the 3651. Somehow it had a very poorly designed cycle path next to it. Glad for the respite we happily used it. We took our opportunity when the traffic lights went red, crossed the four lanes of traffic who were rather forgiving, and then performed the U-turn.
It was then we were failed by Mapy. It instructed us to take a private track between some houses. Fortunately the chain that secured the gate blocking our way was merely tied in a thumb knot. We snuck through as quickly as we could. We were now on the 5009. Yet another, supposedly, minor road.
The urbanised zone continued. Everything, in every direction, was built up. The road started to became more bumpy. Periodically, a faded cyclist could be made out on the road. At some point it was intended to be a cycle route. We started to feel the heat building. It made us more determined to get to Bangkok without letting it drag on into the afternoon.
From the road called Bang Bon 5 we finally got dumped onto the 3242, known as Ekkachai Road. A direct road that would lead into the heart of Bangkok. Known to be very busy but we’d heard it was actually not too bad to cycle on. It seemed to bear out. Despite being three lanes wide, the first lane was often occupied by parked cars and rarely had traffic in it.
Our main nemesis’s were tuk tuks and taxis. It doesn’t seem to matter where in the world you go, taxi drivers are invariably dickheads. Seemingly incapable of using their mirrors, and despite being ‘professional’ drivers, they would either pull out in front of us or cut us up. We endeavoured to be more vigilant around them. There were moments of beauty. Occasionally we’d cross a channel of water. Once there was a temple, and once there were hundreds of plants balanced on the concrete girders.
The final river crossing was that of Chao Phraya. We merely had to navigate some roadworks then cross the three lines of traffic that were heading towards the newer expressway so as to reach Memorial Bridge. An older, steel built beauty. We had fabulous views, though we were still overwhelmed by traffic. A big trawler was chugging up the river. Glinting temple roofs caught our eyes. Once over the river, and in old town Bangkok, things got easier. A few side streets and we’d arrived.
The house we’d rented was down a narrow alleyway. A man called out to us. We stuck out like a sore thumb. We were definitely in the right place. The house had big sliding doors and an open living/dining area. Not being exposed to the Sun, it was gloriously cool. Even without air conditioning. We sauntered around. Had a shower. We’d just cycled into Bangkok. It wasn’t half as bad as the over excited tribes insist online. It was just another city with no cycling infrastructure. Still, another one of those seminal moments for us.
We allowed a couple of hours for the intense brain activity to subside. Focusing to process the movement of thousands of scooters and cars had left our minds awry. Fittingly, we walked to Arawy vegetarian restaurant, where everything was vegan too. Passing a giant, red teak, swing on the way. The walls were adorned with printed excerpts of praise from lonely planet guides over the last 40 years.
Massaman curry, a random tofu dish we were assured was tasty, a big bowl of multiple types of tofu and 3 different types of soya/seitan. A delicious combination of flavours. We walked back in a loop. Buying mango, rice and coconut milk. It’s obvious where this is going. Back in the sanctity of our space we cobbled together some dessert, and watched Manifest.
Surly They Won't Make It 