Surly They Won't Make It

27/4/25

After what could almost be called a lie-in we headed for the border. We sailed past a long line of trucks. We’d slightly mistimed it. Coaches had been waiting for the clock to strike 7am. It was going to be our worst border crossing yet. A passport check. Then a wait for an exit stamp. Every local persons passport had money sticking out of it. We got an exit stamp then made our exit from Laos. We couldn’t help but feel we’d only grazed the surface of the country.

Another passport check and we ended up in a long queue for our entry stamp. Somehow we ended up being last. If it wasn’t the bus drivers it was the locals. They all just pushed in. It was like we were invisible. Only the border guards noticed us. Asking about the cost of our bikes and the like. Again, everyone had money hanging out of their passport. The guy went off with our passports. Evidently to check our visa status. UK citizens get 45 days visa free. When he returned he gave us a stamp. Then waved a 50000 Dong note at us. We just said no.

We went down the wrong channel and a guard turned us around. Then he met us on the other side and demanded that we put every bag through the X-ray scanner. There didn’t appear to be anyone even watching a screen. We complied with a smile. Cursing under our breath. Taking all our panniers off is an irritating faff. Putting them back on is even worse. Another passport check and we’d arrived in Vietnam.

Coffee was easy to find here. We got two black iced fixes of caffeine and poured in coconut milk and sugar. Delightful. Then we were off. The road was semi flat for a good few kilometres. The border line didn’t make much sense from our viewpoint. But it follows the line of the river Xê Pôn. Instead of the remote mountainous pass we’d expected, we were riding through an urbanised area. 

As we left Long An, and an insane troop of green banana carrying scooters, the climb began. The sign said 10% for over a kilometre but it wasn’t true. It was more like 6%. We were quite apprehensive about the prospect of going uphill. Very quickly we were teeming with sweat. We actually conquered the hill in fairly short thrift. We kept expecting it to get even harder but it never did.

Perhaps unsurprisingly the road was flanked with banana trees again. Jonathan hadn’t had a banana in 24 hours. He was having withdrawal symptoms. Despite still being angled upwards, it was an easy gradient. It took a while for us to accept that most of the climb was over. It wasn’t what we were expecting. It was entirely urbanised.

The climb peaked in Khe Sanh. We briefly stopped to eat banana coconut milk sweets and have a muted celebration. We immediately started coming down. It was steep, fast and wiggly. We raced down in high spirits. Now it felt like a border crossing. Infinite shades of green on the numerous mountains stretched before us. A gloriously blue, unpolluted, river appeared alongside us. Once we reached the bottom of the main descent the trucks started to catch up with us. 

The extent of the remains of today’s journey started to sink in. It was predominantly downhill but there were a few ‘bumps’. The dramatics were over. We’d just have to distract ourselves with the extremely pretty landscape before us.

Although we’d initially considered the roads in Vietnam to be superior, the AH16 arbitrarily disintegrated into crappy rubble or extremely potholed tarmac. Something to entertain us.

We were getting very hot and we had no water left. We stopped at an Agribank in Krông Klang but we couldn’t get any money out. The machine kept saying “maximum uses reached”. It didn’t make any sense. Maybe the card was blocked. We managed to get some water using dollars. A young woman dismissively rejected them at first, but a man came along and happily took them off our hands. He momentarily sat, enjoying his new found dollars.

It was unsustainable, but we were continuing to consume the banana coconut sweets. Our legs were already shot after the morning climb and the stacking of nine days cycling. Sugar felt like our only option. Meanwhile, horns were sounding off like they were going out of fashion. It couldn’t help but feel like the drivers expected us to move over. But it’s obviously not what they meant. They just loved pounding on them. They lost all meaning. A complete waste of a vital warning tool. 

The verdant scenery was sublime. If not confusing. It was so dry yet so lush. If we weren’t so tired we’d appreciate it even more. The road went on forever. We took a break by a roadside shrine. While we were eating a dragonfruit, a ‘temple tenderer’ gave us some much appreciated water. Also some coconut crackers. They weren’t vegan. We felt like we couldn’t refuse them and crammed them in our bags. The road then went steeply upwards. It was even dustier and our legs screamed when we restarted.

It was the finally the home straight after we reached Cam Lộ. A straight and flat 9km. Our hotel was on the closer side of Dong Ha. A slight reprieve. We needed it. It was 2pm and hot as hell. The extra urbanisation didn’t help. Hòa Phượng guest house had good reviews from cyclists. Secure bike storage was a necessity. A polite young man checked us in. The air conditioning was an extra 50k Dong a night. A quick conversion revealed it was $2. 

Our day wasn’t over. We took a taxi into town. The driver told us we could exchange our dollars at a gold shop near the market. He took a phone call and then asked if we minded if his friend could join us into town. We didn’t mind. As he drove down a quiet narrow road it crossed our minds that he might be out to mug us. But he stopped outside an army base. A sharply dressed man in military uniform jumped in the front.

He took us to a gold shop and led us to a woman seller who changed $100 for us. At the exact exchange rate. No commission. A man, also behind the counter, ‘complimented Jonathan, on Frankie’. “Smile and nod, boys.” Then he showed us the fruit market. Everyone was turning out to be excessively kind and friendly. The food was all really cheap. We bought bananas, jackfruit and mangoes. 

We walked towards the bike shop. On the way we stopped at a Viettel shop, the best phone operator. We couldn’t get a sim card without our passport. Damn. And the bike shop was closed. Double damn. We sent the owner a message on facebook then took another taxi to a ‘chay’ restaurant. It was the moment of truth. From what we could gather veganism was going to be easy here. It was beautifully scenic. Right by a lake. It seemed quite busy. Surely it couldn’t be vegan. The menu was hopelessly meaningless to us. The waiter said, via google translate, he would “bring us delicious food for two”. We acquiesced. 

The food was a delightful spread. And it was definitely vegan. Soft juicy aubergine, a ginger miso soup, a salad with fried soya pieces. We saw something that looked liked seitan go to the table next to us and requested that too. We tried to leave a tip but the waiter wouldn’t take it. We had to take yet another taxi home. We asked for some music and he played an unusual mix. He skipped the song every 30 seconds. The mood continuously flipped as we stared outside, the scenery flying past. 

We’d saved some rice and brought it home in a box. We ate it with mangos. Jonathan got his fix of bananas. They were a deep yellow and very ripe. We were already discussing staying for three nights. If it came to our minds, it was probably a good idea.