13/6/25
Jonathan stepped in dog poo as we left. Hopefully not a mark of things to come. As we cycled through Yuanyang it was apparent that everything was very Chinese. There were numerous electric cars, electric lorries and electric bikes. Traffic lights existed and they were obeyed. People were wearing smart clothes. It wasn’t quite a metropolis, but it was a large town.
The first of eight marked ‘garmin climbs’ began as we left the city. It was a gentle slope. Hopefully, this was a mark of things to come. In 7 km we had done two of the eight climbs and a 10th of the total elevation. We reached 333m and were looking down on huge papaya fields nestled in the warm valley floor. Butterflies swooped around us. Large hornets buzzed along under the mango trees. It was only the busy road that ruined it slightly.
We stopped to buy an energy drink. A boost for the hilly day. They don’t have coffee shops so far. They had multiple variations of different ‘tiger’ drinks. It smelt like Red Bull but they all had tigers on rather than bulls. After a little more uphill we’d reached the height of which we wouldn’t go below again. We could tell by the noise of the jungle that there was high biodiversity here. It wasn’t like Vietnam, where you could only hear the cicadas. There was a reverberation of different pitches emanating from the still green grass.
The third climb was for 5km. Another 150m. We peaked at an altitude of 500m. Then descended for 5km. The view back towards the gorge carved by Hong Song was beautiful. It really was a red river. The big descent was made all the more entertaining by the gigantic highway that bridged across the road. We couldn’t help but find the expressway frustrating. Not solely for the fact that it affected the landscape but also that it was essentially empty. Huge trucks and many cars were passing us. The expressway lay there below us or above us, almost untouched.
After the next hill we entered a solar panel valley. There were solar panels plastered over the hill faces like ladders. We stopped at a garage and bought a grapefruit juice to add salt to. Not for the first time there was a stash of riot gear in the corner. It was starting to get hot and we were only about halfway through our elevation. We would have to do the same again but now it felt like 35C.
The next climb started in the shade. A cool breeze passing through the trees. We couldn’t be more pleased. Most Chinese people couldn’t be less interested in our presence. They seemed surprised when we said hello and failed to ever raise a smile. The only exception was the odd man on a motorcycle. They would come flying past with a cheerful grin and shout. “Hello!” in a comical fashion.
The seventh climb turned out to be the steepest so far. As we descended there was a long queue of lorries. All of those that had overtaken us in the last half an hour. We assumed it was a military checkpoint or something similar. When we reached the front, it looked like there had been an accident of some kind and the police were forcing them to exchange information.
We slipped off the road so we weren’t overtaken by all of them. As we bought some water we saw slabs of tofu cooking on grills at a restaurant. We double checked with a man nearby and he confirmed it. He brought us some small bowls of mixed condiments. Spices and the like to dip in. At the end of the meal he told us we didn’t have to pay. It was only a small piece of tofu, but it was a nice gesture. Some people arrived. They looked smartly dressed. Wealthy Chinese people. They wanted to take pictures with us. A tall man was amused to find Jonathan to be even taller.
There was less shade than we would have liked. A truck went round a corner, spraying its cargo of rocks at us. It was a miracle none of them hit us. The road delivered a few sharp sections of climbing. Then it crossed under the expressway, before climbing upwards again. We stopped to buy some mangos, then took on the final 87m of climbing. Our legs were quite happy it was nearly the end of the day. For some reason both the bikes were feeding back a bit of buzz from the drivetrain. The road got steeper and steeper.
We suddenly appeared at a roundabout. Surrounded by shops, restaurants and watchful eyes. We never knew what to expect looking at our map. We’d incorrectly assumed it would be quiet as the main town of Honghe was another 150m up behind us. We stopped at a shop and glugged some cold water, simultaneously snacking on a pack of seasoned tofu slivers.
For some reason a lot of the local hotels were ‘sold out’ on trip.com. So we found the nicest one nearby and then asked the shopkeeper to call them for us. The reason for not cycling was that it was either a long way up or down. No unnecessary elevation for us. It worked perfectly. The Wanda Business Hotel was happy to have us. We sailed down the hill and checked in to a smart, clean hotel room. A far cry from the Nha Nghi’s of Vietnam. And only a few pounds more expensive. We had a beautiful view of the impressive, perspective perplexing, mountains.
After our customary cooling off we walked up the hill to a supermarket and bought some vegetarian chicken, peanuts and raisins. Also some kind of wheat based snack that would make a good cereal. There were so many restaurants we didn’t know where to start. Tofu and potatoes were grilling at every single one. Eventually someone invited us in to eat. A young girl was eager to translate using her phone. We ordered entirely too much by mistake. Each vegetable we asked for ended up being a separate dish. Three plates of spicy greens, one plate of spicy aubergine and a plate of tofu.
We continued watching Nine Perfect Strangers and Motherland. Ate an obscene amount of mango and nibbled some of our other snacks. We were anticipating a long hard day to come as we escaped the Red River valley.
Surly They Won't Make It 